


Penance

by Mrs_SimonTam_PHD



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Caring!Sam, Guilty!Lucifer, Hurt/Comfort, Loving!Sam, M/M, TW: Self Harm, TW: Self flagellation, depressed!Lucifer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-07-14 17:25:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7183241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD/pseuds/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s the anniversary of Lucifer’s Fall from Grace. He remembers it in a painful way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Penance

**Author's Note:**

> This was physically painful to write  
> I am sorry

The whip swung over his head and landed on his back, eliciting a cry from the angel kneeling on the floor, letting the flails of leather trail over his sensitive wings before falling to the ground.

_Twenty nine_.

Lucifer allowed himself a moment of reprieve, panting, tears rolling down his cheeks in fat droplets. His back was a mass of welts, angry and red. They criss crossed in every which direction, some of them close to breaking skin.

Lucifer hefted the whip in his hand, tilting his head down and away from his left shoulder. He took a deep breath and swung again, choking as he felt new welts raise up on his skin and his nails dug themselves deeper into his thigh as he felt a welt finally break open, trickling blood down his back.

_Thirty._

“Lucifer?”

When did his door open? No matter, he still had more to do. He gripped the whip tighter as he tilted his head in the opposite direction he had it in.

“Lucifer, what are you doing?” Sam’s voice was clearer now, closer too.

“Stand back, Sam,” Lucifer whispered.

“No.”

“Dammit, Sam!” Lucifer turned and looked up at his Vessel, his other half. The pure good against to his tainted evil.

“Jesus Christ, Luci,” Sam breathed, kneeling down next to Lucifer and laying a gentle hand over the one holding the whip. Lucifer relished in the heat that radiated from Sam’s large hand. “You can’t do this to yourself.”

“Why not?” Lucifer challenged with a cough.

“Because this isn’t what you need.” Sam reached up and cupped the Devil’s face. “It’s not what you need at all, angel.”

“Don’t-” Lucifer started to beg, but Sam laid a soft finger over his lips.

“I’m going to call you that, because you are one,” Sam whispered softly. “And I’m going to love you, the way you’re supposed to be loved.”

Lucifer shook his head. He didn’t deserve it. He just didn’t.

“No shaking your head at me,” Sam said in a fond voice, brushing his lips over Lucifer’s.

“Could you at least finish it for me, please?” Lucifer whimpered.

“No. No more beating yourself like this.” Sam gently took the whip out of Lucifer’s now limp hand. “No more. You don’t deserve it. You never have.”

Lucifer gave a sob, shaking his head again.

“Come on, let’s get you laying down,” Sam said, helping Lucifer to standing before helping him over to their bed. “Oh, angel, you really got yourself good,” he lamented quietly. “Stay right here, baby, I’m going to get some things.”

Lucifer felt like he couldn’t move, like every welt was pinning him to the bed. He buried his face into his pillow and trembled.

Sam returned a few minutes later and Lucifer felt a warm washcloth start to clean up the blood and soothe the burning on his back.

“There we go, angel, relax and let me take care of you,” Sam murmured gently.

Lucifer hissed as the cloth traveled over his welts.

“I know, baby, it hurts, but it’ll help, okay?” Sam soothed.

The wet washcloth was taken away and Lucifer felt a moment’s reprieve before a cold cream touched the base of his neck, and he couldn’t help it, he let out a loud whimper.

“Shh, angel, it’s okay,” Sam whispered. “I know it hurts, baby, but you’re strong. It’ll all be over soon.”

Lucifer whined and sobbed into the pillow.

“My sweet Morning Star,” Sam cooed as he gently began massaging the cream into the welts. “My gorgeous angel. I love you, and I want you to remember that, okay?”

Lucifer nodded and sniffled, trying to control his tears. The cream touched a bigger welt and he cried out in pain, kicking his legs to help try alleviate the agony he was feeling.

“Shh, shh, angel, I’m here,” Sam’s voice sounded far away, but strong fingers were running through his hair, and he focused on that. “It’s okay, I know it’s painful. But I’m not going to make my honey sweet angel suffer anymore than he has to, okay?”

Lucifer took a deep breath and nodded.

“It’s okay to cry, Luci,” Sam murmured as he began spreading the cream over the rest of Lucifer’s back.

Lucifer was sobbing by the time Sam was done spreading the cream all over his back. Sam gently rolled him onto his side before sliding them both under the covers. He wrapped his arms gently around Lucifer, cupping the back of his head tenderly as Lucifer burrowed his face into Sam’s shoulder to finish crying. Strong fingers played with the fine hairs on the back of his neck as he calmed down, soft kisses being placed on top of his hair with whispered endearments the entire time.

Slowly, coughing, Lucifer drew back to look at Sam in the eyes. The hunter’s hazel eyes were soft and kind, with an edge of worry in them. “There’s my blue-eyed angel,” he whispered, using a thumb to wipe his tears away. “Want to tell me what happened?”

“It’s an anniversary,” Lucifer whispered quietly.

“Anniversary of what, baby?” Sam asked.

“The day I Fell.” Lucifer closed his eyes.

“Did you fight back?” Sam asked, brushing Lucifer’s hair back from his face.

“Yes. And killed,” Lucifer whispered, guilt flooding his voice.

“How many?” Sam murmured.

“Seventy-five.” Lucifer whimpered.

“Shh, angel. Is that why you were doing this to yourself? Feeling as if you have to pay a penance for the lives you took?”

Lucifer nodded.

“Oh angel…” Sam tucked Lucifer’s head underneath his chin. “You don’t have to do that. You never had to do that, but especially not now. Chuck forgave you, as did the whole of angelkind and humanity. It’s not going to bring them back. All you’re doing is hurting yourself and allowing the guilt to fester inside of you.”

“But-”

“But nothing, sweetheart. You’re forgiven, and I’m sure you were forgiven a long time ago for the angels you killed. Was it in a war-like situation?”

Lucifer nodded.

“Then it doesn’t matter. There are casualties in war, baby.” He brushed his lips against the archangel’s forehead. “Do you think they’d want you to do this?”

Lucifer hadn’t thought of it like that. “N-no.”

“Then why do it to yourself?”

Lucifer didn’t have an answer.

“You’re so good, Lucifer. You’ve done a lot of good since you repented.” Sam kissed his head. “Don’t beat yourself up for the past.”

Lucifer nodded and felt his eyes close. “Okay.”

“Get some rest, angel. I’ll be right here.”

Lucifer fell asleep to Sam whispering sweet nothings into his hair, keeping him warm and safe in his arms. 

*************

Lucifer woke up an hour later and he gave a hesitant smile up at Sam.

“Hey there, blue eyes,” Sam whispered, kissing his brow. “How’re you feeling?”

“Horrible,” Lucifer mumbled. “Hurts.”

“I know, baby,” Sam tsked, holding him a bit closer. “How about other than that?”

“Okay,” Lucifer murmured. “Just want to cuddle.”

Sam chuckled. “Alright. We’ll cuddle.”

They cuddled for a while until Lucifer looked up at Sam. “Sam?”

“Yes, angel?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For doing this to yourself?”

Lucifer nodded.

“Oh sweet angel,” Sam smiled, kissing Lucifer’s nose. “There’s nothing to apologize to me about. Just relax about it, okay?”

Lucifer nodded.

Sam tilted his head in  such a way that he could get Lucifer to take a few sips of water gratefully before the archangel snuggled into Sam again.

“You’ll be fine, angel.” Sam smiled.

Lucifer nuzzled into him and Sam kissed the top of his head. “I love you, my brilliant Morning Star.”

“I love you too,” Lucifer whispered. He cuddled into Sam and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

“Of course, angel.” Sam smiled and tucked him in more firmly. “Get some more sleep. Sleep speeds up the healing process.”

Lucifer smiled and closed his eyes again.

He may still feel like he needs to be beaten once in a while, but he has Sam now, and Sam will always be there to help him and to kiss away his tears and be rational.

  
[#samifer](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/samifer) [#hurt/comfort](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/hurt%2Fcomfort) [#tw self harm](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/tw-self-harm) [#tw self flagellation](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/tw-self-flagellation) [#tw blood](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/tw-blood) [#guilt](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/guilt) [#caring!sam](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/caring%21sam) [#loving!Sam](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/loving%21Sam) [#poor lucifer](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/poor-lucifer)   


 

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on tumblr at lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell
> 
> Comments and Kudos are Shiny!!


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